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AFTER STAN (PRAT)
The Laureate of Leeds
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Dear David
I thought I'd better write
I wrote a poem in Janu'ry that wasn't too polite
I questioned your selection and I called some players names
I said you'd got your squad and that "it's time to win some games"
I didn't mean to dis' you or to get up on your back
I never even contemplated calling for the sack
It's easy to look back and say I should have been more patient
But the championship was gone and I was dreading relegation
Yet since that time each game you play you win and win again
You even celebrated when you lost the two in Spain
I really am so sorry for the things that I said that
I'm going to change my name now, and sign my name, forever:
PRAT

(Cue girlie/Dido chorus of Marching on Together)

Dear David
I heard it was your birthday
I hope you had a good one and I really wanted to say
I never ever realised that you were forty-three
Hey my birthdays October so you're just as old as me
It made me think we're probably the same in other ways
My hair is dark, I'm fairly tall, I have a wife who prays
I also have a daughter who hates it when you lose
She says I sulk, won't make the tea, and go right off my food
Which probably explains the reasons why I wrote my poem
I wasn't eating often at the rate that you were going
I shouldn't get so passionate about a football match
But I guess you have that passion too - I saw it when you called me:
PRAT

(more girlie/ Dido warblings)

Hey David
I know it's me you meant
When I saw you on the TV talking 'bout the one percent
Please understand the family stand that gave me inspiration
Was never being disloyal, just felt anger and frustration
When the trophies and performances that most of us expected
Were well beyond a shadow team so badly decimated
A body count so low that there could be no squad rotation
And all the while, behind the scenes, the court case preparation
I shouldn't be surprised that in the midst of such adversity
That ill constructed criticism becomes insensitivity
I'm pleased you've proved my fears wrong with your meteoric rise
I plead for your forgiveness, I repent, Apologise
Don't listen to the Arsenal, the Scum or Ireland rumours
Stay and see the funny side, you've got a sense of humour
You said the prats know who they are, I've owned up best I can
Now prove me wrong one last time by winning in Milan

THE SQUARE BALL SAYS: He's got talent this one!